Another week and another chapter of Friday Musings posted on Sunday. Sunday’s are easier for me to write these so I’m just going to go ahead and change this to Sunday Musings and be done with it.
Here we go:
1. Last weekend we visited with Zack’s dad at Lake Eafaula. The kids were so happy to see their papa. Elli has always called him Bald Papa because he’s bald (obviously) and my dad Papa With Hair…because he has hair. It’s an efficient and to the point kind of system.
2. Homeschool was really difficult for us this week. We all struggled. I wrote this for myself this week so I can remember to keep my eyes on The Lord:
Last week school went great and I had SO much patience. Like, so much. We were done with school by noon and had had a couple rough patches but I handled them like the pro I am. Another day like that and my ego would’ve been out of control, for sure. But The Lord keeps me humble. I got a real reality check this week.
Just so you know, school with Elli isn’t the easiest. It’s a lot like riding on The Pendulum of Perpetual Drama. It’s either “I don’t know anything. This makes no sense. I can’t do this.” or “This is too easy. Wow, am I smart. I really think I might be a genius.” There is no in between. She’s all or nothing. Either she is overly confident or underly confident in her abilities and it can be VERY exhausting to teach her. I’m tired just thinking about it. On really bad days, she will even forget how to speak, read, and write. Imagine how much fun that is (sorry for the amount of sarcasm). Today the only school we accomplished was our reading/grammar work, so it was definitely one of those days.
And on top of it, I’ve been snippy with the kids. Where did last week’s patience go?
The boys make our school days a million times more difficult. They get jealous of the time I give the girls during school. They pile on me demanding I pay attention to them. It’s just a lot to juggle somedays.
This is the part where I reveal what a terrible mother I am. At one point during the day Aubi shoved a dirty piece of clothing in my face so I could smell if it was clean or not (it was not) and I snapped at her to stop sticking things in my face. Tears welled up in her eyes but she tried to hide them saying “I just couldn’t tell if it was dirty…”. I’d broken her poor, sweet, little heart. I told her how sorry I was and held her close. As frustrating as having dirty clothes shoved into my face is, it was not worth hurting her precious spirit the way I did in my moment of discomfort. I felt like the worst mommy ever when I saw the pain in her eyes – the pain that I caused with my carelessness.
Sometimes being a stay at home mother to four kids can be incredibly draining and seemingly endless. No matter how much I clean, they can always make messes faster. And even if I catch up on laundry and dishes, I will just be behind again the next day, so why bother, right?
Today I was selfish in my frustration. It’s not about me, it’s about these four tiny, precious humans that God has given to me to teach, love, train, and cherish.
I need to work on focusing on my kids and the impact I have on them. I need to focus on teaching them lessons, training their behaviors, and molding their characters so that someday they can be men and women whose lives glorify The Lord.
I need to focus more on Him and less on me.
3. Ollie has been obsessed with sinks this week. He has figured out that you can push chairs to climb onto other things – sinks usually. He’s not biased either. He loves all sinks. Kitchen, bathroom, he doesn’t care. He likes sitting in them. Maybe he’s pretending to be a sailer or something adorable like that.
4. Isaac sat on the potty for the very first time. EVER. He’s terrified of it so it’s not been an easy battle and I’ve tried not to push him too hard. It took me an hour to convince him to sit on it and even then he didn’t use it but it’s a step in the right direction at least. That’s what I’m telling myself.
6. Week 37 of my 52 Week Project
(Also, Isaac has become a little obsessed with acorns. I don’t know what brought it on. He even wanted to dress up as an acorn this year. Right this moment he’s walking around the house rolled in a blanket saying he’s a baby acorn.)